My Violet is a pretty easy-going child. In fact, my sister, a well-seasoned mom, told me that she is the most adaptable kid she’s ever been around. I, of course, love this about Violet because it makes my job of parenting her a bit easier.
That’s why I was surprised when she didn’t have a completely smooth transition to her new school. We moved to a new state four months ago due to my husband’s new assignment with the U.S. Air Force. We took Violet to six different churches, new playgroups, summer camps and never once did she bat an eye.
But on the last day of her first week she said to me, “Momma, when are we moving back to Arizona?” Knife in the heart. “We’re not, sweetie. Texas is our new home.” She starts crying, “But I miss Lillia!” The dagger twists. Of course that was it, Lillia wasn’t at school.
This was enough for me to have a small breakdown. That day we were dealing with two separate health issues for our boys and Violet, my easy, adaptable, ready-for-the-party girl, was hurting.
I let myself get into a dark place. I felt guilty for bringing her up in this lifestyle. I graduated from the same small town I was born in. I still have friends that I’ve known since birth, close friends. She will never have this.
The guilt that pops up now and again fades away quickly when I think about how much school, business and especially medical debt we’d be in without the military.
But the military life comes with hardships. I realized that day, that just about every new friend she had made so far, is part of a military family that’s set to move in a year or less. My momma heart aches when I think of her being on the other end of it—the one who gets left behind.
My gut reaction as her mom is to protect her from the pain that’s coming.
But I think back to our last assignment. In our friend group, we were the only ones with marching orders. We knew early on that our stay would not be long. They could have walked away. We could have walked away. We all could have kept a comfortable distance. And we all would have missed out on so much. She would have missed out on Lillia.
Sometimes when we know a pain is coming we distance ourselves from the source. When we feel that we don’t have enough time—enough time to make a difference, to make a change, to foster a relationship, we often step out instead of leaning in. But when we do this, we are robbing ourselves, and perhaps others, of so much.
Life is about connections and experiences. Each person we meet has the potential to impact us, just as we have the opportunity to impact them, even if our time together is short.
Do I want Violet to deal with the pain of friends moving a year from now? No, of course not. But if shielding her from it means losing out on friendships, then I’m not really protecting her at all.
Our time will always short, because this life is short. I hope I can teach that no matter what the calendar holds, to invest always—in the moments, in her aspirations and most certainly in others.
To our Tucson friends, we miss you so.
Midweek Moral is a new series at News Anchor To Homemaker. Every week I’ll be looking for a story, a lesson to learn from. It may come from my kids, husband, a stranger, one of my children’s many care providers, teachers, a church sermon, news event or something I’ve read. My blog posts are typically reflections of my own life. What I hope will be a bit different about this series is to find the bigger story, or moral, that we can all take something away from. Things that make us think. Also, my writings can sometimes take me hours upon hours to complete. These writings may be a bit shorter, might have a more casual style and will likely not be as big of an emotional commitment to read. I’ve heard on occasion that I’m a real tear-jerker! I’m hoping to provide a bit of thought and maybe even a lift to the middle part of your week. Thanks for taking this journey with me.
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